Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
