I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
