I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
