Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize