I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize