she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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