everyone is single if you try hard enough
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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