Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We are all done wearing pants today
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
