i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
