i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
