Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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