We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
