i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
