I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize