Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
