Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize