so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
