It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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