Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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