I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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