I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
