my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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