Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
