I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
