Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
