Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
