I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
50% drunk capacity currently
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
