It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
