So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
