3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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