and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
