Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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