If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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