Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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