and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if only i could text you this smell
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
