My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
