this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
