Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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