My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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