I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
