I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
