hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
