For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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