Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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