Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
