Everything about him screamed your future.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
