Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
