I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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