I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
