I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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