I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
