Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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