if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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