THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize