she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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