theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Of course I have a pirate flag
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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