Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
