im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
