I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
