just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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