Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
