How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
