i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
