I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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