I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
