Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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