is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
