I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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