I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
