I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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