I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
