I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
